Single Host Looking for Comedic Award Show

         If someone through error allowed me to hand out awards to the films that we have seen this semester, I would reward some and trash others. Some of these films and their cast and crew deserve to be rewarded for their efforts, while others should be forced to either have their heads shaved or to simply be made to watch their films in a continuous loop with their eyes taped open for as long as the film ran in theatres. So I present to you the Cheers and Jeers awards for Fall Semester 2006.

         Cheers go to the following: For winning these awards you will be celebrated as one of the greatest films ever watched by a two-hundred-level film class meeting on Tuesdays in the Fall of 2006 at Murray State.

        -Best adaptation of the book form of Ambien goes to… William Wyler for his 1949 film, The Heiress based on Henry James's 1880 Washington Square.

        -Best use of Anthony Hopkins not eating people goes to… Patrick Garland's 1973 A Doll's House, based on Henrik Ibsen's 1879 play

        -Best set design in a film adapted from George Bernard Shaw's 1913 Pygmalion goes to… George Cukor's 1964 My Fair Lady.

        -Best Foreign Film with subtitles goes to… Luis Buñuel's 1954 Los Abismos de Pasion (1954), based on Emily Brontë's 1847 Wuthering Heights.

        -Best use of overly dramatic actors goes to… Luis Buñuel's 1954 Los Abismos de Pasion (1954), based on Emily Brontë's 1847 Wuthering Heights.

        -Best actor in a white T-shirt goes to… Marlon Brando in Elia Kazan's 1951 film of Tennessee Williams' A Streetcar Named Desire.

        -Best sideburns goes to… Laurence Olivier in William Wyler's 1939 Wuthering Heights, based on Emily Brontë's 1847 novel.

        -Best script by a man named after a state goes to… Tennessee Williams for his 1947 A Streetcar Named Desire.

         Jeers go to the following: By winning this award you will be forever in a class with Michael Bay as an accessory to making a bad film.

        -The why won't you just fade into obscurity award for worst performance goes to… Jane Fonda for her role as Jane Fonda in Joseph Losey's 1973 A Doll's House, based on Henrik Ibsen's 1879 play. Fortunately Jane could not be here tonight because we gave her the wrong directions.

        -The what were you thinking award goes to… Joseph Losey for his horrible 1973 adaptation of Henrik Ibsen's 1879 A Doll's House.

        -The award for worst musical number goes to… Audrey Hepburn for the only song she actually sang in George Cukor's 1964 My Fair Lady, based on George Bernard Shaw's 1913 Pygmalion.

        -The award for worst use of overacting in a Wyler film goes to... Laurence Olivier for William Wyler's 1939 Wuthering Heights, based on Emily Brontë's 1847 novel.

        -The enough about the forty seven takes award just get on with it award goes to… Wiliam Wyler, director of the 1939 Wuthering Heights (1939), based on Emily Brontë's 1847 novel, and The Heiress (1949), based on based on Henry James's 1880 Washington Square.

         -And finally the Gilbert Godfriett lifetime annoyance award goes to… Jane Fonda for a string of lackluster movies and bad workout tapes.

         Thank you for coming and drive safe.

Corey McBee

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