Have you ever wondered what My Fair Lady, filmed by George Cukor in 1964 and based on the play Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw in 1913, would have been like if it had been set in the twenty-first century in the St. Louis area? Well, it would have gone a little something like this. Eliza Doolittle, originally played on screen by Audrey Hepburn, would have been from the ghetto such as East St. Louis, Illinois. Professor Higgins, portrayed by Rex Harrison in 1964, would have been a homosexual professor working at Washington University and living in Chesterfield, Missouri. Colonel Pickering, depicted in the film by Wilfred Hyde-White, would have been from New York City.
The play would have begun on Eade's bridge during Riversplash, an annual festival that St. Louis holds. She would have been selling stolen Burberry purses with aspirations of some day working in a fashion accessory store and selling purses that have not been stolen. Eliza goes to Higgins' office at Washington University in order to bribe him into giving her money for her not suing him on account of copyrighting of her voice. Instead, he offers to her a place to stay, food, and clothing if she lets him study and train her for his next experiment and attempt to get published. Colonel Pickering, also homosexual, would be visiting the city to study and review Professor Higgins' latest theory.
Instead of attending a race, they would have gone to see Cats at the Fox Theatre. Instead of her father, acted by Stanley Holloway in the film, coming to Professor Higgins' door, it would have been either her crazed ex-boyfriend or her pimp. The professor would probably not have gotten by so easily with giving him a little bit of money. He would have had to give up a lot of money or some other sort of bribe. Also, the queen would not have thrown a ball at the palace. It would have been Nelly, a famous St. Louis rapper, throwing a party at the Adam's Mark hotel. Everyone at the party also would not have thought her to be Hungarian royalty, but instead, new money from either New York City or California. She also would never have fallen for someone "under" her like Freddy, played by Jeremy Brett on screen. She would have been too full of herself.
She also would have come back to Higgins and Pickering for the sole reason that she would be too afraid to end up on the streets again without their help.