Disney Should Have Made My Fair Lady!

         Walt Disney made many animated classics. Most had two common themes: transformation and love. When I watched George Cukor's 1964 film My Fair Lady (from the 1956 Alan Jay Lerner-Frederick Loewe musical adaptation of George Bernard Shaw's 1913 Pygmalion), I found myself thinking that these people would have made excellent Disney animated characters.

         Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn) could have been made into some type of bird (probably a dove, for the whole beauty aspect) for the Disney version. Disney could have called her Eliza Dovelittle. Can you not just imagine her singing, "All I want is a nest somewhere, on a branch high up in the air….?" All of her Cockney cohorts could have been made into sparrows (not the most attractive of birds). Disney could have even thrown in a singing cricket or two for her backup singers.

         Alfred P. Doolittle (Stanley Holloway) could be changed into the nectar-addicted Alfred P. Dovelittle. He could just fly around and annoy everyone, pretty much as he does in Cukor's movie. He could chase all of the attractive birds in the forest and get into fights with different male birds for stealing his favorite nectar-filled flower.

         Professor Henry Higgins (Rex Harrison) would have to be transformed into an owl that wore glasses and looked down his beak at everyone for the Disney version. Yes, this would bear a striking resemblance to the owl in the Winnie the Pooh, but I cannot imagine Higgins as anything else. Disney could have changed his name to something catchy, like Henry Hootings. He could sing "Let a birdie in your life, and she'll mess up your nest….." I can just imagine the line "Why can't the lower class teach their birds how to sing?"

         Colonel Pickering (Wilfrid Hyde-White) would have to be an owl as well. He would have to have gray feathers, though, to distinguish him from Hootings. He could look half-asleep the whole time, and only wake up to say, "Now see here, Hootings!" or "Be reasonable, Hootings!" That was basically his role in Cukor's version anyway.

         Last, but not least would be the lovesick Freddy Eynsford-Hill (Jeremy Brett), who could be Freddy Birdsford-Beak. He would have to be a harmless little bluebird that stares lovingly at Eliza Dovelittle throughout the whole movie and ruffles the feathers of the pompous Hootings by chasing after Eliza, professing his love and trying to woo her away from Hootings.

         These characters would be much more entertaining as Disney characters. Disney movies are the one and only place where characters that randomly burst into song should be featured. Give me bugs and birds over these annoying humans any day.

Brittiany Adams

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